Utviklingssamtale

We stopped at Rimi to get a chocolate muffin and a diet coke. I explained to my boy that it would only take 10 minutes (I didn't really know how long it would take) and then we could go home.

He muttered a little but didn't get too unsettled about it.

Nothing quite prepared me for his obnoxious behaviour towards his teacher. When she reached out her hand to greet him he put the book in his 'greeting hand' and barely shook her fingertips.

We had a list of questions that we had answered at home and we now had to discuss with his teacher.

Sitting across from her he leaned on the desk with his chin. We started with the questions and he sat up to respond whilst playing with his book (turning it around and around). The teacher very calmly directed him back to the topic when he tried to change topic.

When she tried to remove the book and put it aside he grabbed the book and glared at her.

I asked him why he was behaving like this at school when he didn't behave like this at home. He responded with "this isn't home!” He interrupted her several times, he got up to walk away from her while she was talking, he kept asking questions and trying to lead the conversation.

To my distress I realized that I am still the only person he actually listens to and shows respect to on a semi-permanent basis.

The boy's behaviour was simply embarrassing and I am left wondering how his teacher puts up with him if this is how he behaves in class. She treats him respectfully but he responds with total rudeness and indifference.

She had tried to get him to complete a test 'kartleggingsprøve i Matematikk M3' with little success. He had worked well the first 20 minutes and then simply started writing '6' as answers for all the following questions. There was a huge tear where he had started ripping up the test.

She asked if we could complete it at home. Now that she has heard about his results on the WISC test she would like to find out what he actually knows.

We did the test at seven in the evening. I bribed him with one hour of math games on the 'cool maths' and a new pokemon ball. It took him fifty minutes to complete. Most of the time was spent on negotiating and turning his attention back to the test when he diverted. I refused to help him. In the beginning I refused to tell him if his answers were right but he got so distressed that we could not move on before I had 'corrected it. He had to know that he had done it right.

When I questioned his refusal to do the test at school he replied that the teacher had promised that he could read if he did the first section (which he did). She had then tried to push him further by asking him to do a little more before he could read. He perceived this as a 'broken promise'.

Observations: he does not like big number subtraction. He questions it. He is quick to identify similarities between previous sums and a new sum - he then 'carries' the answer over and uses it as part of the calculation he is doing.

He didn't like multiplication because he did not understand that in Norway they use a dot instead of the 'x' sign that they use in England. Once he realized that it was in fact multiplication he did not object to working it out. He no longer knows the times table of by heart and has to calculate it - this takes time.

I expected him to get tired and start slowing down but instead the opposite happened. Once the subtraction and multiplication was out of the way he got enthusiastic and exclaimed:"Oh, I know this - this is easy!” He finished the next three pages within ten minutes.

Our goals (his goals) for next time are: work on his hand writing (which is terrible) and stop playing around in the morning when the lesson starts

The positives are: she reassured me that things are actually going well socially with the other children - especially the other boys. He plays well - he is showing an acceptance and understanding of 'the rules of the game'. He is showing consideration and apologizing when he does something wrong - even if it is an accident. He plays with everybody and shows no frustration in the schoolyard.

We must continue to work on his attitude towards work in the classroom. When he does listen to her and cooperates she lets him read his book. He loves reading and is on very good terms with the librarian.

My question is: has my boy learned that bad behaviour in the classroom pays off? Has he learned that by being an oddball he gets 'special treatment’?

I have two appointments with BUP next month - they want more in depth information about his behaviour during the ages of 3-4. They need this in order to completely rule out ADHD or Asbergers.