Pokemon craze

My boy carries his Pokemon balls around everywhere he goes and I mean everywhere! To school, in the bath, to bed and under the pillow when he sleeps.

On a Saturday he will give up his 'lørdagsgodt' for a new Pokemon ball (although I try not to encourage it as I am a little concerned with the Pokemon obsession). He is currently a little disheartened as the Pokemon 'craze' at school seems to have come to an end.

He can't quite understand why the other children aren't interested in the Pokemon balls with the little figures inside. Last week we walked home from the buss with one of his school mates. My boy was very good at keeping the conversation going - especially when it came to the subject of Pokemon balls.

"How many Pokemon balls do you have?" asked my little boy. The other boy couldn't quite remember. My son then continued naming all the figures, describing them in detail in order to help his friend remember.

At the end of the enquiry my boy concluded that his friend indeed had the whole series. This is quite difficult as one never knows what is inside the Pokemon ball before it has actually been purchased and opened.

"How long did it take you to acquire the whole series?" asked my boy. The other little boy looked at him strangely. "I don't know..." he responded with a smile. My boy then shared the tale of how he had acquired each and every one of his Pokemons. In fact he was so busy talking that he didn't even notice when the other little boy said 'Good bye'.

The teacher asked me to discuss the United Nations at home. Our little contrarian was not interested until I mentioned that my brother (who was killed in Kosovo whilst in the Norwegian military service) was part of NATO which worked with the UN.

My son immediately took out one of his (many) Pokemon balls to show me a picture that he kept of his uncle (inside the ball). He wanted to know if the uniform was UN or NATO.

When we got home we looked up the UN on the computer and it's connection to NATO. I was surprised at how quickly he learned the information we were looking at. I know I shouldn't be but I have never thought of him as being a baby genius as his focus has always seemed limited.

On Friday he went home with a new friend after school. They seem to get along well. I'm not completely comfortable as the boys were alone at home playing playstation games for two hours.

I have worked so hard to get him away from playstation because it changes his mood. This time was no exception.

Walking home from the friend's house - we were having small talk. I mentioned that I had bought a cake for big brother's birthday but that I would have to bake because it would not be enough.

My boy suddenly asked me why I always baked more for his siblings than I did for his birthday. "Do I?" I asked confused.

I found myself being accused of all sorts of things. He seemed to have forgotten all the big birthday parties he had in the past. He couldn't remember going to Spain for his last birthday. When I showed him a photo of the holiday - he told me that it didn't count because his sibling also got to go.

I gave him a few hours to settle his brain. That's all it took. We are now back to 'normal'.

Another Meeting - another parent

Two o'clock and the phone rang. Could I please come to the school immediately - there had been a serious incident.

I got in the car and drove straight there - my thoughts all over the place. The tone had indicated that my boy had done something bad.

The story wasn't very long. Other boy kicked a ball in my son's face. My son saw the opportunity a few minutes later and walked up to boy in classroom and punched him in the face.

The other mum was quite understanding considering (she even asked my boy how he was feeling).

The good bit - at least my boy explained himself to the school inspector (usually he shuts down) - the bad bit is that he knows he is not allowed to hit, especially not in such a pre-medidated fashion.

So much for him not being a 'violent' child - I can throw that defense out the window.

I was so upset I could barely speak. We got in the car - I gave him a short 3o sec explanation of my frustration and then I knew I had to find a quiet place.

We drove in silence. When we got home I loudly shared my distress with hubby and told him that I didn't want to see the boy in front of me for the next hour. Hubby sent our champion boxer to his bedroom.

It took me an hour to calm down before I could calmly sit down with the boy and dig my way through his complicated mind.

He opened up and it pored out. The anger comes from the constant rejection. When he talks to the other children and they don't bother to answer him. When he walks toward the football field the boys in the 'A' class shout at him to get away. Nobody really listens to what he has to say - they act as if he is not there. He doesn't feel a part of anything.

We discussed those who treat him nicely - which would include the boy he just punched and how we should actually be more tolerant with those who are nice to us because they deserve it.

I told him how I felt about the way he treated his teacher and how sad it makes me feel that she doesn't get to see the nice little boy that I get to see everyday. I described how she alway stands up for us and is the first one to say "but, he is not the only little boy who does that".

We spoke about showing how we feel and not trying to hide behind a 'shield'. How his world would change if only he could show the school the little boy who I see every day at home.

Tomorrow is another day.

(*Boy was fast asleep before 20.30 tonight - very tired!)

Utviklingssamtale

We stopped at Rimi to get a chocolate muffin and a diet coke. I explained to my boy that it would only take 10 minutes (I didn't really know how long it would take) and then we could go home.

He muttered a little but didn't get too unsettled about it.

Nothing quite prepared me for his obnoxious behaviour towards his teacher. When she reached out her hand to greet him he put the book in his 'greeting hand' and barely shook her fingertips.

We had a list of questions that we had answered at home and we now had to discuss with his teacher.

Sitting across from her he leaned on the desk with his chin. We started with the questions and he sat up to respond whilst playing with his book (turning it around and around). The teacher very calmly directed him back to the topic when he tried to change topic.

When she tried to remove the book and put it aside he grabbed the book and glared at her.

I asked him why he was behaving like this at school when he didn't behave like this at home. He responded with "this isn't home!” He interrupted her several times, he got up to walk away from her while she was talking, he kept asking questions and trying to lead the conversation.

To my distress I realized that I am still the only person he actually listens to and shows respect to on a semi-permanent basis.

The boy's behaviour was simply embarrassing and I am left wondering how his teacher puts up with him if this is how he behaves in class. She treats him respectfully but he responds with total rudeness and indifference.

She had tried to get him to complete a test 'kartleggingsprøve i Matematikk M3' with little success. He had worked well the first 20 minutes and then simply started writing '6' as answers for all the following questions. There was a huge tear where he had started ripping up the test.

She asked if we could complete it at home. Now that she has heard about his results on the WISC test she would like to find out what he actually knows.

We did the test at seven in the evening. I bribed him with one hour of math games on the 'cool maths' and a new pokemon ball. It took him fifty minutes to complete. Most of the time was spent on negotiating and turning his attention back to the test when he diverted. I refused to help him. In the beginning I refused to tell him if his answers were right but he got so distressed that we could not move on before I had 'corrected it. He had to know that he had done it right.

When I questioned his refusal to do the test at school he replied that the teacher had promised that he could read if he did the first section (which he did). She had then tried to push him further by asking him to do a little more before he could read. He perceived this as a 'broken promise'.

Observations: he does not like big number subtraction. He questions it. He is quick to identify similarities between previous sums and a new sum - he then 'carries' the answer over and uses it as part of the calculation he is doing.

He didn't like multiplication because he did not understand that in Norway they use a dot instead of the 'x' sign that they use in England. Once he realized that it was in fact multiplication he did not object to working it out. He no longer knows the times table of by heart and has to calculate it - this takes time.

I expected him to get tired and start slowing down but instead the opposite happened. Once the subtraction and multiplication was out of the way he got enthusiastic and exclaimed:"Oh, I know this - this is easy!” He finished the next three pages within ten minutes.

Our goals (his goals) for next time are: work on his hand writing (which is terrible) and stop playing around in the morning when the lesson starts

The positives are: she reassured me that things are actually going well socially with the other children - especially the other boys. He plays well - he is showing an acceptance and understanding of 'the rules of the game'. He is showing consideration and apologizing when he does something wrong - even if it is an accident. He plays with everybody and shows no frustration in the schoolyard.

We must continue to work on his attitude towards work in the classroom. When he does listen to her and cooperates she lets him read his book. He loves reading and is on very good terms with the librarian.

My question is: has my boy learned that bad behaviour in the classroom pays off? Has he learned that by being an oddball he gets 'special treatment’?

I have two appointments with BUP next month - they want more in depth information about his behaviour during the ages of 3-4. They need this in order to completely rule out ADHD or Asbergers.

The Meeting

I cried myself to sleep last night. The meeting with the other parents was horrible - barely worthy of being called civilized.

The hostility was so overwhelming - just the thought of the meeting makes my stomach turn. To be faced with such aggressive parents who tell the teacher 'I don't believe you" when he is explaining what he saw.

I sat for an hour listening to their pathetic nonsense - and every time the teacher and principal would ask them what grounds they had for saying such things - the response would be "because our daughter is scared and she doesn't lie".

It turns out that their daughter has previously been on the PPT radar (she is known as a quiet and anxious child - an only child). The parents feel that her state of anxiety has nothing to do with the situation. We are assured that there is no way their daughter overreacts to situations. The school doesn't seem to agree.

The more the teachers and principal assured these people that my son was not an aggressive child and that they were doing their best to assist all parties involved - the more frustrated and aggressive the father became.

After an hour of discussing (I did not say a word) he said :"let's not fool ourselves here, lets call a spade a spade! What is it? What is this strange behaviour? This aggression, frustration, inability to play with other children - where does it come from?!! What is going on?!".

The school inspector looked at me and said "We are not at liberty to inform you of the details but maybe his mother would like to?".

I knew it was the moment they had all been waiting for - you could've heard the proverbial pin drop.

Everybody stared at me.

I knew they wanted me to say it - I just wasn't sure that these parents would understand. Who would think that a highly gifted child could have social problems. Intelligent people aren't supposed to have problems. It's supposed to be a dream come true.

Nobody wants to know about the other stuff. The frustrations of a nine year old little boy with the mental intelligence of a sixteen year old. Nobody wants to know about how he plays with lego an bionicles, how he hides his special things under his pillow, how he goes knocking form door to door to find somebody to play with - unsuccessfully. The other children don't understand him - he sees the world in a different way - he plays in a different way. He doesn't follow rules - he creates them. He doesn't answer questions - he asks them.

My mind racing, what do I say, how do I say it, how do I make them understand. Do they want to understand.

I started with :"We aren't quite finished with the observations yet so I don't want to say too much...". The teachers stared at me intensely "but we are coming to the end of it .... soon. He had a test on Tuesday, it's called the WISC test.. (I caught a small glimps of a smile from one of the teachers) he is very intelligent" I stammered ..... "no, actually he is extremely intelligent - PPT have told me that he is a gifted child, a highly gifted child" I finished.

There was stunned silence. The couple in front of me stared at me in total disbelief. I watched as the father's face turned slightly pink and his jaw moved.

"Of course, not forgetting that he is very immature and so is his play" I added in a pathetic attempt at trying to keep in line with the 'Janteloven". Good God - there is nothing ordinary about my son - for better or for worse.

I tried to explain that social problems seem to be the order of the day for 'highly gifted children'. Is it a gift? It's been nothing but a curse for us.

Nothing I said seemed to get through - they were frozen. I assured them that I was trying to get as much information as possible on how to cope with the social side of it. That there was no reason to be concerned about our boy 'coming after their daughter for revenge'. He has forgotten about it already - the father felt that this made my son even more dangerous.

I looked at the teachers - they looked at me. There was no getting through on this one. The meeting ended on a colder note than it started.

Walking to my car I felt overwhelmed and lonely. Maybe as lonely as my boy? No, he is lonelier.

We have now reached the point where he is being accused of things that adults who were present say that he did not do. He has become the key for some little girl to get her parents attention. She is not going to give it up that easily. She doesn't want him in the class and at this rate it looks like she will stop at nothing to get rid of him.

I find myself questioning so many things. How healthy is it for him to be in a school where the girls have formed a clique and getting rid of the new guy is their focus.

He is after all just a little boy. He just wants to be like everybody else.

I was told to read a forum. It's called Lykkelige barn. Maybe I could find some advice there.

Thoughts for the day

I have a meeting today at the school with some parents who feel that my son should not be in a normal school.

Last week they came knocking on our door to complain about our son's behaviour at school. Their little girl is apparently so scared of our boy that she does not want to go to school.

Our boy had no memory or understanding of what he had done wrong. I felt forced to take some diciplinary measures such as not allowing him to go to a birthday party, no TV for a week and an hour earlier to bed every night for the week.

We have since been informed that there was an assistant teacher standing at the 'crime scene' at the time the event took place. It turns out that the situation has been quite exaggerated and the assistant teacher feels that nobody was scared of anybody during the play.

I'm not sure how to deal with these parents. The school psychologist felt that I should not 'punish' the boy as there is a big question as to if he actually did behave unacceptably. The psychologist is now concerned that the girls in the class are 'creating' a play where they can be the star of the drama.

Now that I know my child is gifted (and emotionally immature) I find myself wondering if he is in the right environment. There aren't many options for gifted children in Norway. Maybe I should consider a Montessori school.

I don't know - I feel a little lost. Happy to finally know why my son misbehaves in the classroom but lost none the less.

The walk around Semsvannet this morning was wonderful. It snowed last night but the sun was shining this morning.

Twinkle little star

"Mum, how many lines of symmetry does a star have?". It was seven o'clock in the morning and I hadn't even had my first sip of coffee yet. "Do you mean a four point or a five point star?" I answered.

"Five point star... It's five isn't it mum? It's five lines of symmetry isn't it?". "Yes, it's five lines of symmetry" I replied.

Fortunately there were no questions about quantum physics like last time.

Later in the day the educational psychologist phoned to talk about the IQ test my son had done (the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children). The results were astounding - It turns out that I have a gifted child on my hands.

We finally know the reason why he is so restless in the classroom - he is bored out of his mind!

Now there's just that little question about his lacking social skills.

My mother finally decided to contact me again after three months of silence. I was privileged enough to receive a Facebook friend request with a 'Happy Birthday' message (three days after my birthday).

I'm not sure how I feel about that - except for that I don't really want to talk about it.

I had a wonderful refreshing walk around Semsvannet this morning. It made me realize how much I really like my life right now - just as it is.